BSA / PM 101

Buck has been asked to create a tutorial for becoming a business systems analyst (BSA) or project manager (PM) in today’s corporate environment. Today’s blog entry is that tutorial.

Now, any BSA or PM who actually takes his role seriously will try to tell you that there is a huge difference between these two roles and that one tutorial can’t possibly cover both of them. These same people will try to tell you that serious, extensive training is required for either one and that a mere blog entry can’t possibly suffice. Buck, however, urges you to reject this point of view as the product of lost souls desperately trying to justify their existence to corporate America.

Before moving on to the easy 7-Step program for becoming a BSA or PM, Buck wishes to make it clear that this tutorial is equally applicable to consultants and client company employees alike. The principles are universal. He would also like to say a few words about his 7-Step program:

“Hi, my name is Buck 99, and I am excited to share with you my 7-Step program for how to become a successful project manager or business systems analyst. These best practices have been invaluable to me in my career, and if you studiously apply them to your own professional development, then I am confident that you will be successful too.”

Here are the 7 steps for Buck 99’s program:

Step 1: Weave order out of chaos.

Step 2: Know who your customers are, and anticipate their needs.

Step 3: Convince people who don’t want to do what you need them to do to do what you need them to do.

Step 4: Check your fonts, keep them consistent from slide to slide.

Step 5: Never let anyone do anything without an approved change control, and try not to be the approver.

Step 6: Memorize the corporate-speak terminology, and use at least one buzz word every 5 minutes.

Step 7: Suck up to the admin and see if you can get her to handle setting up the meetings for you.

See? It’s that easy! After that it’s just a matter of tracking everything that needs to be done in a clumsy tool known as Microsoft Project, and blowing about 10 hours per week (of what would otherwise have been productive time) creating presentations in Microsoft Power Point and tweaking them so they look slick and professional, thereby drawing attention away from the actual quality of the content they contain.

Any questions?